Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Shope Owner
An Indian man goes to put his wifes death in the local paper.
They tell him its $1 a word.
He only has $4, so he tells them to put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead"
On seeing this they take pity on him and tell him he can have another 4 words for free.
He thanks them and thinks for a moment...
He then says 'Put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead - Shop open as usual"'
They tell him its $1 a word.
He only has $4, so he tells them to put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead"
On seeing this they take pity on him and tell him he can have another 4 words for free.
He thanks them and thinks for a moment...
He then says 'Put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead - Shop open as usual"'
regards: amulyam
Smart Doctor
A Doctor opened a clinic & wrote outside the clinic:
Any treatment will cost Rs.300/- and if we cant treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.
A CLEVER Man comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.
He says to the Doctor:
I cant feel any taste on my tongue...
Doctor asks the Nurse to put few drops of medicine from box no 22.
After that the MAN shouts: "What d _____ ...its URINE!!
The doctor says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.
The MAN was angry as he lost Rs.300.
After 2 weeks MAN comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.
MAN: Doc! I've lost my memory.
Doctor: Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue.
MAN : Wait doctor but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Doctor: Congratulations your memory is back.
Moral: Don't try to be over-smart with Doctors...
Any treatment will cost Rs.300/- and if we cant treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.
A CLEVER Man comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.
He says to the Doctor:
I cant feel any taste on my tongue...
Doctor asks the Nurse to put few drops of medicine from box no 22.
After that the MAN shouts: "What d _____ ...its URINE!!
The doctor says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.
The MAN was angry as he lost Rs.300.
After 2 weeks MAN comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.
MAN: Doc! I've lost my memory.
Doctor: Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue.
MAN : Wait doctor but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Doctor: Congratulations your memory is back.
Moral: Don't try to be over-smart with Doctors...
Herbal Tea
A woman goes to the doctor with bruises everywhere.
Doc asked "How did that happen?"
She said: "My husband hits me. Is there anything you can do to help me in this situation?"
The doctor writes her a prescription for herbal tea. "Now, this tea has a chemical to improve your personality, but it's only absorbed through the cheeks. You need to make half cup of this and drink it 30 minutes before your husband gets home, but you don't have to swallow. You have to swish it around in your mouth. And keep it in your mouth for one hour after he gets home. This is a very effective medicine, and it is going to work."
Two weeks go by. The woman comes back to the doctor's office. "So, how are you?"
"Oh, Doctor, that tea you gave me worked! It has calmed my nervousness, and my husband no longer beats me. Thank you!"
''Just doing my job ma'am."
"Can you tell me what's the secret of the tea?"
"The thing is. Life automatically
improves when you shut the fuck up!"
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Doc asked "How did that happen?"
She said: "My husband hits me. Is there anything you can do to help me in this situation?"
The doctor writes her a prescription for herbal tea. "Now, this tea has a chemical to improve your personality, but it's only absorbed through the cheeks. You need to make half cup of this and drink it 30 minutes before your husband gets home, but you don't have to swallow. You have to swish it around in your mouth. And keep it in your mouth for one hour after he gets home. This is a very effective medicine, and it is going to work."
Two weeks go by. The woman comes back to the doctor's office. "So, how are you?"
"Oh, Doctor, that tea you gave me worked! It has calmed my nervousness, and my husband no longer beats me. Thank you!"
''Just doing my job ma'am."
"Can you tell me what's the secret of the tea?"
"The thing is. Life automatically
improves when you shut the fuck up!"
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
What is love and explain in details ?.........(40 marks)
USA's Student.......
Answer: Love is life.
(marks : 10 from 40)
.
.
.
.
UK's Student......
Answer : Love is pain.
(marks : 10 from 40)
.
.
.
.
Indian Student........
Answer :
.
.
.
.
- Definition:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship between men & women that can cause death of 1 or both depending on the resistance associated
- TYPES:
1 sided & 2 sided
- AGE:
Usually occurs in teenages but nowdays can be found in any age
- SYMPTOMS:
Tension
Daydreaming
Insomnia
Phone Addiction
- DIAGNOSIS BY:
Diary
Photos
Mobile
-TREATMENT:
Anti-LOVE therapy by Father's Shoe
or
Mother's Sandal......
(marks 40 from 40) Excellent !
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Answer: Love is life.
(marks : 10 from 40)
.
.
.
.
UK's Student......
Answer : Love is pain.
(marks : 10 from 40)
.
.
.
.
Indian Student........
Answer :
.
.
.
.
- Definition:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship between men & women that can cause death of 1 or both depending on the resistance associated
- TYPES:
1 sided & 2 sided
- AGE:
Usually occurs in teenages but nowdays can be found in any age
- SYMPTOMS:
Tension
Daydreaming
Insomnia
Phone Addiction
- DIAGNOSIS BY:
Diary
Photos
Mobile
-TREATMENT:
Anti-LOVE therapy by Father's Shoe
or
Mother's Sandal......
(marks 40 from 40) Excellent !
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Men are very Kind & Women are very Selfish!
"PROOF"
Most women don't like to help unknown men;
But all men are ready anytime to help unknown women.
AURAT KE DIL MEIN,
Sirf uske LOVER ya PATI Ke Liye Jagah Hoti Hai....
But
AADMI Ka DIL Itna BADA Hota Hai Ki,
Usmein-
DOST Ki LOVER
BIWI Ki SAHELI
SAAMNE WALI
BAAJU WALI
UPAR WALI
NEECHE WALI / KAMWALI
SAALI
BHAI Ki SAALI
BEHAN Ki NANAD
Or
Thodi Bahut BIWI Ke Liye Bhi Jagah Hoti Hai.....
SACH MEIN,
AADMI KA DIL BAHUT BADA HOTA HAI.....
Meri toh aankhe bhar aayi,
So Respect all MEN...
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Most women don't like to help unknown men;
But all men are ready anytime to help unknown women.
AURAT KE DIL MEIN,
Sirf uske LOVER ya PATI Ke Liye Jagah Hoti Hai....
But
AADMI Ka DIL Itna BADA Hota Hai Ki,
Usmein-
DOST Ki LOVER
BIWI Ki SAHELI
SAAMNE WALI
BAAJU WALI
UPAR WALI
NEECHE WALI / KAMWALI
SAALI
BHAI Ki SAALI
BEHAN Ki NANAD
Or
Thodi Bahut BIWI Ke Liye Bhi Jagah Hoti Hai.....
SACH MEIN,
AADMI KA DIL BAHUT BADA HOTA HAI.....
Meri toh aankhe bhar aayi,
So Respect all MEN...
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Hello Pizza Hut!
Operator:
Hello Pizza Hut!
Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?
Operator : Can I have your multi purpose Aadhar card number first, Sir?
Customer: Yeah!
Hold on.....
My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610
Operator : OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from you home number now.
Customer: (Astonished) How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : We are connected to the system, Sir.
Customer: I wish to order your Seafood Pizza...
Operator : That's not a good idea Sir.
Customer: How come?
Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.
Customer: What !.. What do you recommend then?
Operator : Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.
Customer: How do you know for sure?
Operator : You borrowed a book titled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, sir.
Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then.
Operator : That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.
Customer: Can I pay by credit card?
Operator : I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs. 1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.
Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.
Operator : You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've exhausted even your overdraft limit.
Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?
Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.
Customer: What?
Operator : According to the details in the system , you own a motorcycle registration number 1123.
Customer: "????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)
Operator : Is there anything else, sir?
Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?
Operator : We normally would sir, but based on your records, you're also diabetic... In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you. v Customer: Teri
Operator: Better mind your language sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were imprisoned for 2 months and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman...?
Customer faints... aur banao Aadhar Card.
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Hello Pizza Hut!
Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?
Operator : Can I have your multi purpose Aadhar card number first, Sir?
Customer: Yeah!
Hold on.....
My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610
Operator : OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from you home number now.
Customer: (Astonished) How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : We are connected to the system, Sir.
Customer: I wish to order your Seafood Pizza...
Operator : That's not a good idea Sir.
Customer: How come?
Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.
Customer: What !.. What do you recommend then?
Operator : Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.
Customer: How do you know for sure?
Operator : You borrowed a book titled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, sir.
Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then.
Operator : That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.
Customer: Can I pay by credit card?
Operator : I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs. 1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.
Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.
Operator : You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've exhausted even your overdraft limit.
Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?
Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.
Customer: What?
Operator : According to the details in the system , you own a motorcycle registration number 1123.
Customer: "????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)
Operator : Is there anything else, sir?
Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?
Operator : We normally would sir, but based on your records, you're also diabetic... In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you. v Customer: Teri
Operator: Better mind your language sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were imprisoned for 2 months and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman...?
Customer faints... aur banao Aadhar Card.
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
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