In Heaven, God told all Husbands & Wives to gather for a Meeting!
He told the men to stand in two Queues
1) Those who are controlled by their wives
2) Those who control their Wives
Only 1 man stood in the second Queue..
God said, "So you control your wife?"
Man : "R U Crazy??? My Wife told me to stand here "
Wife : Honey, Where are you?
Husband : I am at the Bank..
Wife : Dear, Please I need Rs.3000/- to activate my Blackberry, Rs.5000/- to my Hair and Rs.10,000/- to buy a Dress,
Husband : Sorry, I meant to say that I am at the "bank" of the River.. Do you want me to bring fish to cook?
Girl to Swamiji:
Swamiji, I doubt my Husband has been cheating on me... I have doubt on one woman..What to do?
Swamiji's reply to Girl:
Take your husband to that woman's doorstep and see if his Wi-Fi connects automatically..
Technology can be dangerous
A young man asked a rich old man that How he made his money ?
The old guy said : Son, it was 1932, The Depth of The Great Depression, I was down to my last nickel.
I invested that in an apple and spent the entire day polishing it and at the end of the day, I sold the apple for 10 Cents..!
The next day, I invested those 10 Cents in 2 apples. I spent the entire day polishing them & sold them for 20 Cents.
I continued this 4 a month, by the end of which I had accumulated a fortune Of $1.37.
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Then my wife's father died & left us 2 Million Dollars...!
Find a chick whose father is rich.
An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men.
Buy Your Ticket Get Your Wife's Ticket Free
After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply... " Which Trip ? "
In a bank in Hyderabad
Hyderabadi Customer : Merku Cheque Deposit Karna Hai Kab Tak Clear Karte
Banker : 2 ya 3 Din Mein Clear Hojata
Customer : Dono Banks To Amne Samne Ich Hai Phir Itti Der Kaiku
Banker : Sir, Procedure Follow Karna Padhta, Agar Ap Qabristan Ke Bahar Accident Mein Margaye To Apku Ghar Ku Leke Jate, Gusal Dete, Kafan Pehnate, Janaze Ki Namaz Padhate. Ya Phir Marte Ich Samne Ke Qabristan Mein Dafan Karte
Customer : Aise khatarnak example nakko de re bawa, samajh gaya main..
An Engineer was asked: " What is the Technical Difference between Welding and Wedding ...."
He replied:
" Not much; both are joints, in a way......."
In Welding there are sparks first and bonding forever;
whereas in Wedding there is bonding first and sparks forever
The Menu at a Dahi Cholley Chaat Shop
1) Chaat--Rs.10
2) Special Chaat--Rs.12
3) Very Special Chaat--Rs.15
4) Extra Special Chaat--Rs.18
5) Double Extra Special Chaat--Rs.20
6) Sunday Special chat--Rs.25
To check each and every chaat for its different taste, Ramu started eating everyday a different one...
But soon he discovered that each and every one had the same taste of chaat.
Finally one day he asked him the reason for the same taste?
Chatwala said :
chaat cost...Rs.10
Special chaat means spoons washed...
Very special chaat means spoons and plates both washed...
Extra special chaat means washing hands before putting chaat
Double extra special chaat means clean drinking water is provided seperately...
Chaatwala now looking at Ramu face...
Then he asked What is Sunday Special?
Chaatwala said: Sunday...I take bath...!!"
Wife : Honey, If I die, would you get married again?
Husband : No dear...
Wife : I am sure, You would.
Husband : (Get Annoyed)... Okay I would
Wife : Would you let her to sleep in our Bed?
Husband : Yah.... I guess so.
Wife : Would you let her wear my clothes?
Husband : No, She is taller than you.
Aishwarya Rai was travelling via train without ticket..
She was wearing a saree. so TC charged 100 rs fine.
Since katrina kaif was wearing Jeans, He charged 75
Kareena was wearing Skirt so 50
But Sunny Leone didn't have to pay anything
Why..??😜
Because Sunny Leone was having Ticket😀
ALWAYS THINK GOOD..
Soch badlo...Modi akela kya kya badlega 😝
संता बैंक में पैसा जमा करने गया.
कैशियर : आपके सारे नोट नकली हैं.......
संता : तुम्हें क्या फर्क पड़ता है?
जमा तो मेरे अकाउंट में ही होने हैं न 😉😉😉😎
संता -- पड़ोस मे क्या चल रहा हे??
बंता -- बर्थ डे हे ।
संता -- किसका ???
बंता -- "टुयु" का
संता -- "टुयु " कौन ???😳
बंता -- पता नहीं ,,,,,सुनाई तो एसा ही दे रहा हे, ,,,
हेप्पी बर्थ डे ,,,,, "टुयु"
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
एक खूबसूरत लड़की को देख संता ने पूछा : आप कहां रहती हैं ?
लड़की : एमजी रोड।
संता : इतनी खूबसूरत होकर रोड पर रहती हैं ? मेरे घर क्यों नहीं आ जातीं।😄😄😄😂😂😉
😎अध्यापक -
*"टेबल पर चाय किसने गिराई"*?
- इसे अपनी मातृभाषा मे बोलो ।
संता- मातृभाषा मतलब मम्मी की भाषा में?
😎अध्यापक -- हॉ.......
संता :--
*वे ख़्समां नु खान्यों, कुत्तयो, सूर दे पुत्तरो,...सच्ची सच्ची दस्स दयो नही तां मै आज त्वाडा सबदा सिर मुन्न देना ए कन्जरो.....*
*ऐ चा किन्ने रोड़ी आ*
😜😜
😆😆😀😀😜😝😛😜💃लड़की – “तुम क्या काम करते हो ?”
🚶लड़का – “Hindustan Times में job करता था लेकिन अभी छोड़ दिया …”
💃लड़की - “छोड़ क्यूँ दिया ? कितनी अच्छी कंपनी तो है ?”
🚶लड़का – “अब इतनी ठंड में कौन सुबह-सुबह अखबार बांटने जाए। 😂😃😄😅😆😇😊
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शराब बंदी से बदलता बिहार~
पहले सड़कों पर कोई भी पी कर पड़ा रहता था
..कोई पूँछने वाला नहीं था।
पर अब कोई पी कर बेहोश होता है...तो लोग
उसे उठाते हैं..नहलाते हैं...नींबू पानी पिलाते हैं
..और जब कुछ होश आता है तो पूँछते हैं..
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भाई कहाँ से लाया😜😀
एक बुजुर्ग दंपती शादी के 60 साल बाद अदालत में तलाक के लिए गए।
सुनवाई के दौरान जज ने बुजुर्ग महिला से पूछा, “आपकी शादी को इतने साल हो गए हैं। अब आप इस उम्र में तलाक क्यों लेना चाहती हैं?’
बुजुर्ग महिला : जज साहब, जवानी में तो सब ठीक था, लेकिन अब मेरे पति मुझ पर मानसिक अत्याचार कर रहे हैं।
जज (आश्चर्य से) : वह कैसे?
महिला : इनकी जब मर्जी होती है, ये मुझे खरी-खोटी सुना देते हैं और जब मैं बोलना शुरू करती हूं तो अपने कान की मशीन निकाल देते हैं। 😁😁😁😁
हिंदी व्याकरण की टीचर स्टूडेंट से - "लखन अब शराब नहीं पी सकता है।
"इस वाक्य में लखन क्या है ??"
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स्टूडेंट ~ मेडम लखन एक "बिहारी" है.
Doctor : Why did you take your Antibiotic Medicine at 6am, when I am told 9am?
Patient : I wanted to surprise the Bacteria by surgical attack.
