Biometric

When your wife keeps her head on your chest and slowly asks,"Dear, do you have any women in your life other than me"?Remember your answer is not important at this time,what is important is your heartbeat.Keep your heart in control, Don't panic. It's just your biometric test.

I made it right

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.

Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar:- Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright....!!!

J is pronounced as H

I decided to travel to US.
At The Embassy For Visa Interview, this is what happened

Officer: Where to in the US?

Me: San Jose

Officer: It's pronounced as San Hosey. J is pronounced as H in the US.
Me: Oh, okay!

Officer: So how long do you plan to be in the US?

Me: from Hanuary to Hune or Huly

I am dieing

Husband texts to wife on cell..."Hi,what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying...!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair..."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Kill me first

Two prisoners were waiting to be executed. "

Any last requests?" asked the jailer.

"Yes", replied one of the prisoners. "I love music; so before I die, could you play me something by Himesh Resham"

And the second prisoner said, "Please kill me first."

Object oriented programming

What is Object oriented programming:

Father - Son, go and get Red Label
Son - 750ml or 1 ltr??

Mother - Son, go and get Red Label
Son - 500gms or 1 kg??!!

Eye corner

A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:"How would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"

The man couldn't believe his luck: 'That would be great!'

Monday passed and he didnt see her.....Tuesday and wednesday passed too.....On thursday his swelling became better And now he could see her from the Corner of one eye....

Permission

Son: "Dad, when will I be old enough so I don't have to ask mom for her permission to go out?"
Dad: "Son, even I haven't grown old enough to go out without her permission!"

mother vs son

Mummy : Kyo ro rahe ho?Son: Dad ne muje KISS nihi kiya..

Mummy : Tumne Tables nahi sunaye honge

Son: Kaam wali AUNTY ko kuan se tables aate hain!

Permission

Son: "Dad, when will I be old enough so I don't have to ask mom for her permission to go out?"
Dad: "Son, even I haven't grown old enough to go out without her permission!"

Elephant milk

A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk 

and gained twenty pounds in a week.

B: That's impossible. Whose baby?

A: An elephant's.

Talkative

Teacher: "Ramu, you talk a lot !"
Ramu: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"

Ramu: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".

Teacher: "What about your mother?"
Ramu: "She's a woman".

Permission

Son: "Dad, when will I be old enough so I don't have to ask mom for her permission to go out?"
Dad: "Son, even I haven't grown old enough to go out without her permission!"

Elephant milk

A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk 

and gained twenty pounds in a week.

B: That's impossible. Whose baby?

A: An elephant's.

Age

Relative: Son, what's your age?

Guy: 25

Relative: it's an age of marriage, son. When will you marry?

Guy: Very soon. And what's your age, uncle?

Relative: 70

Guy: it's an age of death, uncle. When will you die?`

Elephant milk

A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk 

and gained twenty pounds in a week.

B: That's impossible. Whose baby?

A: An elephant's.

Empty brain

A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head,

but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this? B: It's because your feet aren't empty. 

HIJACK

A guy in a plane stood up & shouted: ?HIJACK!?

All passengers got scared

From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back ?HI JOHN?

Wait a minute

A man talking to God:The man: "God, how long is a million years?"God: "To me, it's about a minute."The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"God: "To me it's a penny."The man: "God, may I have a penny?"God: "Wait a minute."

Empty brain

A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head,

but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this? B: It's because your feet aren't empty. 

HIJACK

A guy in a plane stood up & shouted: ?HIJACK!?

All passengers got scared

From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back ?HI JOHN?

Dus...dus

एक स्त्री सो रही है और उसके पांव के पास एक नागिन कुंडली मारके बैठी है।इस स्त्री का पति नागिन से कहता है:- डस...डस.....
नागिन:-चुप कमीने...मैं इनके चरण-स्पर्श करने आई हूं।
ये मेरी गुरु हैं।

मैथीली joke

.....😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
एकटा महिला तीनटा बच्चा के साथ बस में यात्रा क रहल छल।

कंडक्टर  महिला स:- मैडम जी इ सब बच्चा क टिकिट लागत, उम्र बताउ सब के?

महिला:- पहिले वाला के दू साल, दूसर वाला के ढाई साल और तेसर के तीन साल।

कंडक्टर:- मैडम टिकिट चाहे नै लिय, पर गैप त 9 महीने के रैखतौं।

महिला:- रे टूनकी वला, बजरखसुअा, मरकीवला तोरा कि बुझाय छौ इ सब हमरे छै
बीच वला दियादनी के छय,
तूँ टिकिट काट, ज्ञान नै बाँट।

😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜