Thursday, September 25, 2014
R u Relaxing
Santa was lying on beach, one American came to Santa and ask, "R u Relaxing ? "
Santa replied: No, I am Santa
Another American came to Santa and ask, "R u Relaxing ? "
Santa replied: No, I am Santa
One more American came to Santa and ask, "R u Relaxing ? "
Santa : No (Shouting) I am Santa...
Santa left that place in anger and asks one American lying nearby, " R u relaxing ? "
American replied: Yes I am relaxing...
Santa slaps him & says, Haramkhor sab tujhe dhund rahe hai aur tu yeha pada hai !!!
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Santa replied: No, I am Santa
Another American came to Santa and ask, "R u Relaxing ? "
Santa replied: No, I am Santa
One more American came to Santa and ask, "R u Relaxing ? "
Santa : No (Shouting) I am Santa...
Santa left that place in anger and asks one American lying nearby, " R u relaxing ? "
American replied: Yes I am relaxing...
Santa slaps him & says, Haramkhor sab tujhe dhund rahe hai aur tu yeha pada hai !!!
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Call from unknown number
Guy : Fridge hai?
Reply : Haan hai.
Guy : Chalta hai?
Reply : Haan chalta hai..
Guy : Toh pakad ke rakhna, warna bhaag jaayega.. And he hangs up.. After a while, he calls up again..
Guy : Fridge hai?
This time the person's really angry.
Reply : Nahi hai.
Guy : Kahaan se hoga.. Bola tha na pakad ke rakhna varna bhaag jaayega..
Reply : Haan hai.
Guy : Chalta hai?
Reply : Haan chalta hai..
Guy : Toh pakad ke rakhna, warna bhaag jaayega.. And he hangs up.. After a while, he calls up again..
Guy : Fridge hai?
This time the person's really angry.
Reply : Nahi hai.
Guy : Kahaan se hoga.. Bola tha na pakad ke rakhna varna bhaag jaayega..
Little Johny's reply
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
Little Johnny replied...
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Wife ki mushkil
Wife takes seriously ill husband to doctor.
Give him healthy breakfast daily..
Be pleasant & in good mood..
Cook tasty dinner & don't discuss your problems with him..
Stop watching tv serials..
Don't demand new clothes.
If u do this for one year, your husband will be ok.
On the way to home, husband asks wife: what did doctor say?
Wife: Doctor ne Kaha ab bachna mushkil hi hai.
Doctor ne wife ko bola tha...
Give him healthy breakfast daily..
Be pleasant & in good mood..
Cook tasty dinner & don't discuss your problems with him..
Stop watching tv serials..
Don't demand new clothes.
If u do this for one year, your husband will be ok.
On the way to home, husband asks wife: what did doctor say?
Wife: Doctor ne Kaha ab bachna mushkil hi hai.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Evolution of Man
Shadi se pehle-hero no. 1
Shadi k baad- coolie no. 1
Shadi se pehle: maine pyar kiya
Shadi k baad- ye maine kya kiya?
Shadi se pehle- Janeman mat jao
Shadi k baad- jaan mat khao
Shadi se pehle- tum bin raha na jaye
Shadi k baad- tum ko saha na jaye
Shadi se pehle- kuch to bolo
Shadi ke baad- kabhi chup b ho lo
Shadi se pehle- I luv you
Shadi k baad- aaj phir aalu?
Shadi se phle- milne kab aaogi?
Shadi k baad- mayke kab jaogi?
Shadi k baad- coolie no. 1
Shadi se pehle: maine pyar kiya
Shadi k baad- ye maine kya kiya?
Shadi se pehle- Janeman mat jao
Shadi k baad- jaan mat khao
Shadi se pehle- tum bin raha na jaye
Shadi k baad- tum ko saha na jaye
Shadi se pehle- kuch to bolo
Shadi ke baad- kabhi chup b ho lo
Shadi se pehle- I luv you
Shadi k baad- aaj phir aalu?
Shadi se phle- milne kab aaogi?
Shadi k baad- mayke kab jaogi?
Regards: Amulyam
Advice Column in Magazine
Anonymous:
Hi! I'm a lady aged 26 married with one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work.
I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home.
I drove for just about 2km from home and my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back and get another car.
When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid. I don't know what to do now. Please help.
.
.
.
.
.
Reply by male columnist:
Dear anonymous,
Overheating of engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the carburetor.
U need to check your oil and water level in your engine b4 u start your journey.
U must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in the future.
Hope this helped you...!!
Hi! I'm a lady aged 26 married with one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work.
I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home.
I drove for just about 2km from home and my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back and get another car.
When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid. I don't know what to do now. Please help.
.
.
.
.
.
Reply by male columnist:
Dear anonymous,
Overheating of engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the carburetor.
U need to check your oil and water level in your engine b4 u start your journey.
U must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in the future.
Hope this helped you...!!
Regards Amulyam
Funny and Innocent Boy
A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's surgery.
Why is your stomach so big?!! he asks.
I'm having a baby.. she replies.
Is the baby in your stomach?.. he asks, with his big eyes.
Yes, it is.. she says.
Is it a good baby?.. he asks, with a puzzled look.
Oh, yes. A really good baby. the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: "Then why did you eat him?"
Why is your stomach so big?!! he asks.
I'm having a baby.. she replies.
Is the baby in your stomach?.. he asks, with his big eyes.
Yes, it is.. she says.
Is it a good baby?.. he asks, with a puzzled look.
Oh, yes. A really good baby. the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: "Then why did you eat him?"
Pappu's Intelligence
Santa, Banta aur Pappu picnic par gaye waha jaake yaad aaya k PEPSI to ghar bhul gaye
Decide kiya k Pappu jaake pepsi leAayega
Pappu: Main ek shart par jaunga k "tum mere aane tak samose nahi khaoge"
Dono ne kaha... "theek hai"
2 din guzar gaye... Pappu nahi aaya
4 din guzar gaye... Pappu nahi aaya
Dono ne socha k ab samose kha lene chahiye
Jaise hi samosa uthaya
Pappu ne ped k piche se nikal k bola "Aisa karoge to main nahi jaunga!!"
Decide kiya k Pappu jaake pepsi leAayega
Pappu: Main ek shart par jaunga k "tum mere aane tak samose nahi khaoge"
Dono ne kaha... "theek hai"
2 din guzar gaye... Pappu nahi aaya
4 din guzar gaye... Pappu nahi aaya
Dono ne socha k ab samose kha lene chahiye
Jaise hi samosa uthaya
Pappu ne ped k piche se nikal k bola "Aisa karoge to main nahi jaunga!!"
Sunday, May 11, 2014
A Long Flight
Laloo, Jayalalitha, and Mayavati were on a long flight in an Air Force plane.
Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down below happy."
Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would split it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two people down below happy."
Of course Mayavati doesn't want these two candidates to out do her so she pipes in, 'I would instead take one hundred Rs.1 notes and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 975 million people happy!"
-- Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down below happy."
Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would split it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two people down below happy."
Of course Mayavati doesn't want these two candidates to out do her so she pipes in, 'I would instead take one hundred Rs.1 notes and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 975 million people happy!"
Regards: Amulyam
Logical Teacher
Teacher was teaching Mahabaratha to 6th std students.
"Kans heard devaki's 8th son wud kill him. So he put devaki & vasudev in prison.
1st child was born. Kans killed it by poison.
2nd child Kans killed by sword. 3rd was born n so on...
At this point a boy raised his hand for a doubt.
Teacher : What?
Boy : "If Kans knew that the 8th son wud kill him,
why did he put Devaki & Vasudev in SAME jail?"
Teacher fainted ! Generation gap, but common sense !
"Kans heard devaki's 8th son wud kill him. So he put devaki & vasudev in prison.
1st child was born. Kans killed it by poison.
2nd child Kans killed by sword. 3rd was born n so on...
At this point a boy raised his hand for a doubt.
Teacher : What?
Boy : "If Kans knew that the 8th son wud kill him,
why did he put Devaki & Vasudev in SAME jail?"
Teacher fainted ! Generation gap, but common sense !
---
LOVE <=> LIFEChinese ENGLISH
An Italian, French and Chinese went for a job interview in England.
Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.
The Italian was first: "I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."
The French was next: " I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV.
Last was the Chinese: "I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green green", I "pink" up the phone and I say "Yellow. !!!!!!!!!!!!
regards Amulyam
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Joke on Java
Teacher asks a Computer Student:
What are the 3 latest versions of Java?
Student Replied:
MarJava, MitJava, LutJava ishq mein tere dil,
kya jaan bhi naam tere kar Java o Java Java.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Buying Toilet Paper
A man shopping in a supermarket took his purchase of two cans of dog food to the checkout counter. The cashier asked, "Sir, do you have a dog?"
"Yes." replied the man.
"Well, where is it?" asked the cashier.
"I left him home." he answered.
"Sorry," the cashier said, "You can't buy the dog food if I can't see the dog. That's the rules."
The next day he returned to the store and brought some cat food to the checkout. "Do you have a cat?" asked the cashier. "Yes," he said, "but I left him home."
"Sorry," she said, "If I can't see the cat, I can't sell you the food. That's the rules."
The next day the man walked into the store with a brown paper bag. He walked up to the cashier and said, "Here. Put your hand in here."
The cashier put her hand in and said, "It's soft and warm. What is it?"
The man replied, "I'd like three rolls of toilet paper please!"
"Yes." replied the man.
"Well, where is it?" asked the cashier.
"I left him home." he answered.
"Sorry," the cashier said, "You can't buy the dog food if I can't see the dog. That's the rules."
The next day he returned to the store and brought some cat food to the checkout. "Do you have a cat?" asked the cashier. "Yes," he said, "but I left him home."
"Sorry," she said, "If I can't see the cat, I can't sell you the food. That's the rules."
The next day the man walked into the store with a brown paper bag. He walked up to the cashier and said, "Here. Put your hand in here."
The cashier put her hand in and said, "It's soft and warm. What is it?"
The man replied, "I'd like three rolls of toilet paper please!"
How to bully
A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table, and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table, and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."
Shope Owner
An Indian man goes to put his wifes death in the local paper.
They tell him its $1 a word.
He only has $4, so he tells them to put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead"
On seeing this they take pity on him and tell him he can have another 4 words for free.
He thanks them and thinks for a moment...
He then says 'Put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead - Shop open as usual"'
They tell him its $1 a word.
He only has $4, so he tells them to put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead"
On seeing this they take pity on him and tell him he can have another 4 words for free.
He thanks them and thinks for a moment...
He then says 'Put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead - Shop open as usual"'
regards: amulyam
Smart Doctor
A Doctor opened a clinic & wrote outside the clinic:
Any treatment will cost Rs.300/- and if we cant treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.
A CLEVER Man comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.
He says to the Doctor:
I cant feel any taste on my tongue...
Doctor asks the Nurse to put few drops of medicine from box no 22.
After that the MAN shouts: "What d _____ ...its URINE!!
The doctor says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.
The MAN was angry as he lost Rs.300.
After 2 weeks MAN comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.
MAN: Doc! I've lost my memory.
Doctor: Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue.
MAN : Wait doctor but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Doctor: Congratulations your memory is back.
Moral: Don't try to be over-smart with Doctors...
Any treatment will cost Rs.300/- and if we cant treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.
A CLEVER Man comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.
He says to the Doctor:
I cant feel any taste on my tongue...
Doctor asks the Nurse to put few drops of medicine from box no 22.
After that the MAN shouts: "What d _____ ...its URINE!!
The doctor says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.
The MAN was angry as he lost Rs.300.
After 2 weeks MAN comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.
MAN: Doc! I've lost my memory.
Doctor: Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue.
MAN : Wait doctor but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Doctor: Congratulations your memory is back.
Moral: Don't try to be over-smart with Doctors...
Herbal Tea
A woman goes to the doctor with bruises everywhere.
Doc asked "How did that happen?"
She said: "My husband hits me. Is there anything you can do to help me in this situation?"
The doctor writes her a prescription for herbal tea. "Now, this tea has a chemical to improve your personality, but it's only absorbed through the cheeks. You need to make half cup of this and drink it 30 minutes before your husband gets home, but you don't have to swallow. You have to swish it around in your mouth. And keep it in your mouth for one hour after he gets home. This is a very effective medicine, and it is going to work."
Two weeks go by. The woman comes back to the doctor's office. "So, how are you?"
"Oh, Doctor, that tea you gave me worked! It has calmed my nervousness, and my husband no longer beats me. Thank you!"
''Just doing my job ma'am."
"Can you tell me what's the secret of the tea?"
"The thing is. Life automatically
improves when you shut the fuck up!"
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Doc asked "How did that happen?"
She said: "My husband hits me. Is there anything you can do to help me in this situation?"
The doctor writes her a prescription for herbal tea. "Now, this tea has a chemical to improve your personality, but it's only absorbed through the cheeks. You need to make half cup of this and drink it 30 minutes before your husband gets home, but you don't have to swallow. You have to swish it around in your mouth. And keep it in your mouth for one hour after he gets home. This is a very effective medicine, and it is going to work."
Two weeks go by. The woman comes back to the doctor's office. "So, how are you?"
"Oh, Doctor, that tea you gave me worked! It has calmed my nervousness, and my husband no longer beats me. Thank you!"
''Just doing my job ma'am."
"Can you tell me what's the secret of the tea?"
"The thing is. Life automatically
improves when you shut the fuck up!"
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
What is love and explain in details ?.........(40 marks)
USA's Student.......
Answer: Love is life.
(marks : 10 from 40)
.
.
.
.
UK's Student......
Answer : Love is pain.
(marks : 10 from 40)
.
.
.
.
Indian Student........
Answer :
.
.
.
.
- Definition:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship between men & women that can cause death of 1 or both depending on the resistance associated
- TYPES:
1 sided & 2 sided
- AGE:
Usually occurs in teenages but nowdays can be found in any age
- SYMPTOMS:
Tension
Daydreaming
Insomnia
Phone Addiction
- DIAGNOSIS BY:
Diary
Photos
Mobile
-TREATMENT:
Anti-LOVE therapy by Father's Shoe
or
Mother's Sandal......
(marks 40 from 40) Excellent !
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Answer: Love is life.
(marks : 10 from 40)
.
.
.
.
UK's Student......
Answer : Love is pain.
(marks : 10 from 40)
.
.
.
.
Indian Student........
Answer :
.
.
.
.
- Definition:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship between men & women that can cause death of 1 or both depending on the resistance associated
- TYPES:
1 sided & 2 sided
- AGE:
Usually occurs in teenages but nowdays can be found in any age
- SYMPTOMS:
Tension
Daydreaming
Insomnia
Phone Addiction
- DIAGNOSIS BY:
Diary
Photos
Mobile
-TREATMENT:
Anti-LOVE therapy by Father's Shoe
or
Mother's Sandal......
(marks 40 from 40) Excellent !
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Men are very Kind & Women are very Selfish!
"PROOF"
Most women don't like to help unknown men;
But all men are ready anytime to help unknown women.
AURAT KE DIL MEIN,
Sirf uske LOVER ya PATI Ke Liye Jagah Hoti Hai....
But
AADMI Ka DIL Itna BADA Hota Hai Ki,
Usmein-
DOST Ki LOVER
BIWI Ki SAHELI
SAAMNE WALI
BAAJU WALI
UPAR WALI
NEECHE WALI / KAMWALI
SAALI
BHAI Ki SAALI
BEHAN Ki NANAD
Or
Thodi Bahut BIWI Ke Liye Bhi Jagah Hoti Hai.....
SACH MEIN,
AADMI KA DIL BAHUT BADA HOTA HAI.....
Meri toh aankhe bhar aayi,
So Respect all MEN...
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Most women don't like to help unknown men;
But all men are ready anytime to help unknown women.
AURAT KE DIL MEIN,
Sirf uske LOVER ya PATI Ke Liye Jagah Hoti Hai....
But
AADMI Ka DIL Itna BADA Hota Hai Ki,
Usmein-
DOST Ki LOVER
BIWI Ki SAHELI
SAAMNE WALI
BAAJU WALI
UPAR WALI
NEECHE WALI / KAMWALI
SAALI
BHAI Ki SAALI
BEHAN Ki NANAD
Or
Thodi Bahut BIWI Ke Liye Bhi Jagah Hoti Hai.....
SACH MEIN,
AADMI KA DIL BAHUT BADA HOTA HAI.....
Meri toh aankhe bhar aayi,
So Respect all MEN...
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Hello Pizza Hut!
Operator:
Hello Pizza Hut!
Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?
Operator : Can I have your multi purpose Aadhar card number first, Sir?
Customer: Yeah!
Hold on.....
My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610
Operator : OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from you home number now.
Customer: (Astonished) How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : We are connected to the system, Sir.
Customer: I wish to order your Seafood Pizza...
Operator : That's not a good idea Sir.
Customer: How come?
Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.
Customer: What !.. What do you recommend then?
Operator : Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.
Customer: How do you know for sure?
Operator : You borrowed a book titled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, sir.
Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then.
Operator : That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.
Customer: Can I pay by credit card?
Operator : I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs. 1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.
Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.
Operator : You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've exhausted even your overdraft limit.
Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?
Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.
Customer: What?
Operator : According to the details in the system , you own a motorcycle registration number 1123.
Customer: "????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)
Operator : Is there anything else, sir?
Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?
Operator : We normally would sir, but based on your records, you're also diabetic... In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you. v Customer: Teri
Operator: Better mind your language sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were imprisoned for 2 months and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman...?
Customer faints... aur banao Aadhar Card.
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Hello Pizza Hut!
Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?
Operator : Can I have your multi purpose Aadhar card number first, Sir?
Customer: Yeah!
Hold on.....
My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610
Operator : OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from you home number now.
Customer: (Astonished) How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : We are connected to the system, Sir.
Customer: I wish to order your Seafood Pizza...
Operator : That's not a good idea Sir.
Customer: How come?
Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.
Customer: What !.. What do you recommend then?
Operator : Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.
Customer: How do you know for sure?
Operator : You borrowed a book titled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, sir.
Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then.
Operator : That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.
Customer: Can I pay by credit card?
Operator : I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs. 1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.
Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.
Operator : You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've exhausted even your overdraft limit.
Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?
Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.
Customer: What?
Operator : According to the details in the system , you own a motorcycle registration number 1123.
Customer: "????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)
Operator : Is there anything else, sir?
Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?
Operator : We normally would sir, but based on your records, you're also diabetic... In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you. v Customer: Teri
Operator: Better mind your language sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were imprisoned for 2 months and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman...?
Customer faints... aur banao Aadhar Card.
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Wife hit her husband with frying pan.
Husband: What was that for...?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry..!
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..?
Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Ek-kiss k baad kya hota hai?
Ek-kiss k baad kya hota hai?
socho,
sharmao mat.
STUPID!
Kya hota he bola na ?
Its easy
Ek-kiss (21) k baad
Baa-iss (22) hota hai,
Padhai par dhyan do
romance par nahi.
Ab Valentine day khatam ho chuka hai!
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Tumhara Beta fail ho gaya...
Father: Tumhare Result ka kya hua.........?? . . .
Son: Headmster ka beta fail ho gaya, . . .
Father: Aur tum...?? . . .
Son: Doctor ka beta Bhi fail ho gaya, . . .
Father: Aur tumhara result kaisa Aaya....?? . . .
Son: Wo Wakeel Ka Beta Bhi fail Ho gya, . . .
Father: Kamine mai tera puch raha hun. . . .
Son: To Tu konsa Rajnikant Hai, Tera Beta Bhi Fail hua hai..
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Hidden camera
Ragini caught her husband Suresh searching high and low all around his living room.
Ragini : "What are you searching for?"
Suresh : "Hidden cameras!"
Ragini : "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Suresh : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star Movies channel. How does he know that?"
Ragini : "What are you searching for?"
Suresh : "Hidden cameras!"
Ragini : "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Suresh : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star Movies channel. How does he know that?"
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