Sunday, April 27, 2014
Joke on Java
Teacher asks a Computer Student:
What are the 3 latest versions of Java?
Student Replied:
MarJava, MitJava, LutJava ishq mein tere dil,
kya jaan bhi naam tere kar Java o Java Java.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Buying Toilet Paper
A man shopping in a supermarket took his purchase of two cans of dog food to the checkout counter. The cashier asked, "Sir, do you have a dog?"
"Yes." replied the man.
"Well, where is it?" asked the cashier.
"I left him home." he answered.
"Sorry," the cashier said, "You can't buy the dog food if I can't see the dog. That's the rules."
The next day he returned to the store and brought some cat food to the checkout. "Do you have a cat?" asked the cashier. "Yes," he said, "but I left him home."
"Sorry," she said, "If I can't see the cat, I can't sell you the food. That's the rules."
The next day the man walked into the store with a brown paper bag. He walked up to the cashier and said, "Here. Put your hand in here."
The cashier put her hand in and said, "It's soft and warm. What is it?"
The man replied, "I'd like three rolls of toilet paper please!"
"Yes." replied the man.
"Well, where is it?" asked the cashier.
"I left him home." he answered.
"Sorry," the cashier said, "You can't buy the dog food if I can't see the dog. That's the rules."
The next day he returned to the store and brought some cat food to the checkout. "Do you have a cat?" asked the cashier. "Yes," he said, "but I left him home."
"Sorry," she said, "If I can't see the cat, I can't sell you the food. That's the rules."
The next day the man walked into the store with a brown paper bag. He walked up to the cashier and said, "Here. Put your hand in here."
The cashier put her hand in and said, "It's soft and warm. What is it?"
The man replied, "I'd like three rolls of toilet paper please!"
How to bully
A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table, and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table, and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."
Shope Owner
An Indian man goes to put his wifes death in the local paper.
They tell him its $1 a word.
He only has $4, so he tells them to put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead"
On seeing this they take pity on him and tell him he can have another 4 words for free.
He thanks them and thinks for a moment...
He then says 'Put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead - Shop open as usual"'
They tell him its $1 a word.
He only has $4, so he tells them to put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead"
On seeing this they take pity on him and tell him he can have another 4 words for free.
He thanks them and thinks for a moment...
He then says 'Put in "Sanjeeta Patel is dead - Shop open as usual"'
regards: amulyam
Smart Doctor
A Doctor opened a clinic & wrote outside the clinic:
Any treatment will cost Rs.300/- and if we cant treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.
A CLEVER Man comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.
He says to the Doctor:
I cant feel any taste on my tongue...
Doctor asks the Nurse to put few drops of medicine from box no 22.
After that the MAN shouts: "What d _____ ...its URINE!!
The doctor says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.
The MAN was angry as he lost Rs.300.
After 2 weeks MAN comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.
MAN: Doc! I've lost my memory.
Doctor: Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue.
MAN : Wait doctor but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Doctor: Congratulations your memory is back.
Moral: Don't try to be over-smart with Doctors...
Any treatment will cost Rs.300/- and if we cant treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.
A CLEVER Man comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.
He says to the Doctor:
I cant feel any taste on my tongue...
Doctor asks the Nurse to put few drops of medicine from box no 22.
After that the MAN shouts: "What d _____ ...its URINE!!
The doctor says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.
The MAN was angry as he lost Rs.300.
After 2 weeks MAN comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.
MAN: Doc! I've lost my memory.
Doctor: Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue.
MAN : Wait doctor but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Doctor: Congratulations your memory is back.
Moral: Don't try to be over-smart with Doctors...
Herbal Tea
A woman goes to the doctor with bruises everywhere.
Doc asked "How did that happen?"
She said: "My husband hits me. Is there anything you can do to help me in this situation?"
The doctor writes her a prescription for herbal tea. "Now, this tea has a chemical to improve your personality, but it's only absorbed through the cheeks. You need to make half cup of this and drink it 30 minutes before your husband gets home, but you don't have to swallow. You have to swish it around in your mouth. And keep it in your mouth for one hour after he gets home. This is a very effective medicine, and it is going to work."
Two weeks go by. The woman comes back to the doctor's office. "So, how are you?"
"Oh, Doctor, that tea you gave me worked! It has calmed my nervousness, and my husband no longer beats me. Thank you!"
''Just doing my job ma'am."
"Can you tell me what's the secret of the tea?"
"The thing is. Life automatically
improves when you shut the fuck up!"
--
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
Doc asked "How did that happen?"
She said: "My husband hits me. Is there anything you can do to help me in this situation?"
The doctor writes her a prescription for herbal tea. "Now, this tea has a chemical to improve your personality, but it's only absorbed through the cheeks. You need to make half cup of this and drink it 30 minutes before your husband gets home, but you don't have to swallow. You have to swish it around in your mouth. And keep it in your mouth for one hour after he gets home. This is a very effective medicine, and it is going to work."
Two weeks go by. The woman comes back to the doctor's office. "So, how are you?"
"Oh, Doctor, that tea you gave me worked! It has calmed my nervousness, and my husband no longer beats me. Thank you!"
''Just doing my job ma'am."
"Can you tell me what's the secret of the tea?"
"The thing is. Life automatically
improves when you shut the fuck up!"
Amit Ranjan
Sun Certified Java Professional
-----------------------
LOVE <=> LIFE
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